Kids and The Good Stuff: The Task vs. The Heart

My Bible study this morning talked about how easy it is to become consumed by day to day busyness and miss out on really getting to know your kid's hearts. Oh, how I am guilty of this! Sometimes, when they are trying to tell me something, I am answering with, "ok, now please go feed the dogs (for the third time!)." Granted, sometimes the little person being instructed is just trying to procrastinate doing the task at hand. But a lot of times, I am telling them that the task trumps all. Is that the message I really want to send? That busyness is the correct way of life? That I don't have time to stop and really listen to them because I need the To-Do List met. Ugh. I'm not liking that!

Is it more important that they brushed their teeth, made their beds, ate their vegetables? Or is it more important that Ty let B have the big bowl of cereal since he knows B prefers it, or that B helped Ty put on his shirt when his head couldn't fine the right hole?

Of course teaching my boys responsibility is important and a huge part of parenting. But I need to really watch the message I'm sending to them. Its tough when we only have a few minutes in the morning and a few in the evening to teach them everything they need to know. But making sure I stop and recognize their kindness or putting down the dishes so I can walk in and see just which matchbox car is faster, rather than saying "uh huh" from the other room; that shows my boys what's most important.

I asked God this morning to help me put aside the task list, just for today, and really focus on my boys hearts. Not what they look like, act like, or talk like. To push away from busyness and see the good that's happening right under my nose and between my barking instructions.

What I found? That during the wrestling match going on while the boys get themselves dressed, I see two little ones learning how to be friends, making a brother connection that will last their whole lives, even when I'm gone. As the noise stops and the whir of Crest Spin Brushes fills the hallway, I see a big brother helping a little brother rinse off his toothbrush and turn the light off for him. If I wait long enough, through the argument over the remote downstairs, I see two brothers calm down and compromise while eating breakfast together. I see a bigger explaining to the little a football play. I see kindness. I see them working things out in real life all by themselves. I see God working in their little hearts.

When I slow down, and make enough whitespace for the days to go by a little slower, I can enjoy getting to know my little guys and watching them grow closer to God. And that's much more important than making sure all of their clothes pins are moved to the "done" side of the chore chart. Yes, the chore chart is an important part of their physical growth, but it has its rightful place and I want to make sure the heart issues come first!

Lysa Terkeurst says when we do this, "Perfection will seem much less important. Your kids will feel secure knowing you care and want to know them on a heart level."

Oh how I want this for my boys! To make sure they know I love them, not just love what they accomplish.

Lord, I am definitely guilty of allowing life to get in the way and seeking perfection. Especially in my kids. I tend to look over the fact they are building brother bonds while I sit and watch the clock and fuss at them for not going faster. Lord, help me to discern when its time to act and time to relax and let them be children together. Help me not be so busy that I miss getting to know their little hearts. Thank you for grace when I mess up. Thank you for loving me anyway. Help me show the same mercy to my kids. Amen!