Uninspired today

I am feeling very uninspired today.  I've been dealing with a dull headache and some brain fog for a few days now.  Not sure if its the changing weather, or the mini midlife crisis I seem to be having.  I have been constantly praying for two somethings in my life and asking, at the same time, for God to show me his will in these particular areas.

One of the things seems to be heading in a good direction.  What started out as overcoming some bad habits, has become a source of such spiritual growth.  God is showing me some amazing things.  I'm not 100% successful in my endeavors with this, but he is working in my life and showing me that perfection is not to be found this side of heaven.  He is building my faith as I learn to totally trust him. 

The other thing seems to be getting one over on me.  I feel that I know what the answer should be.  My answer even seems like something that would line up with Christian values.  But God is saying no to me.  Its becoming more and more apparent that he is just saying no.  I lay out a fleece, he says no.  I pray every morning for something to change in favor of my desire, and he says to wait.  An amazing opportunity comes up that really seems to be lining up and everything in it is good!  He says not now.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

Oh oh.

But Lord, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing if its not this.

"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."  Hebrews 10:35-36

But Lord, don't you want me to be happy?  Don't you want me to be out of this situation that I find myself in at this season of my life that creates so much stress and headache?

"I remember my affliction and my soul is downcast within me; yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him; to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:20-26

So as I seek him in the meantime, he shows me that he wants me to wait for his salvation.  Not Paige's salvation for herself.  This must be the difference between a good life and a life abundant.  If I get myself out of my mess, then glory goes to me.  If I wait for God to save me and do his will, then glory will go to him, because it can only be him when things work out that way.  There is no doubt then that his hand will be in it.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

So what is he saying to me through these verses he keeps faithfully leading me to?  What are the common themes he wants for my life in this season?

Wait

Seek him

Persevere

He will save me

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11-13

He has such good promises for us if we seek him!  And I know, from past experiences, he will work things out somehow, whether that be changing my surroundings or changing my heart.  He is always faithful in that way.  So I will wait and hope and anticipate the wonderful things he has in store for me and a way to work all this out as only he can.

And I can thank my heavenly Father for that.

Rainy Saturday and date night!

We had a very unexpected gift from God on Saturday.  A rainy Saturday.  I mean a total washout.  The kind where you put on PJ pants and soft comfy socks and don't even think about going anywhere.  And since the kids and I had cleaned the house on Thursday night, I had little to do for housework. 

J and I decided to get out the camping gear and set it up in the living room.  The tent looks a lot bigger in our living room than when the four of us try to sleep in it!

We had a really fun time.  B showed us the music videos he created on his Leapster during our Charleston road trip.  Very Beastie Boys.  That kid is something else.  The family members who liked the tent the best was our dogs!  The snuggled in there and Blue was snoring in less than 15 minutes. 

I didn't take a ton of pictures since I was busy playing.  We had a picnic lunch in the tent too.  Fun rainy day stuff.  J said he wasn't asleep, but after Ty went down for a nap, J was lying very still with his eyes shut in the tent for about an hour or so. 

I got some homemade pb bites made as well as my first attempt at making my own laundry detergent.  Really hoping this works out since it only cost about $20 to make and is supposed to last over 6 months.  We shall see.  It was kind of a mess and I will be taking it out on the porch the next time.  I'm positive Blue ate some of it.  But at least he smelled nice!

Saturday night J and I had a little date night.  He signed us up for a painting class without me saying a thing, and got us a sitter and did all the ground work.  All I had to do was say yes!  We had a really good time.

He looks so cute in his apron.  My man is secure about his manhood!

The only negative about the weekend was getting hit in the eye with a Nunchuck.  Not fun.  Triggered a migraine that I'm still fighting this lovely Monday morning.

But those boys are so much fun. 

Only one more week before school starts! 

Flip Flop Fridays!

I am so excited about the change of seasons!  Fall is favorite!  With that in mind, I do mourn one small aspect of this time of year.  My flip flops.  We are a flip flop family.  I adore my flip flops, feel most comfortable in my flip flops and look forward all winter and spring to flip flop season.

This year, as a tribute, I am declaring Fridays, Flip Flop Friday for as many weeks as we can still get away with wearing them.  I realize some workplaces don't allow flip flops.  Mine "frowns upon" them, but since I'm mostly frowned upon here anyway and if I wear long jeans, you can barely notice, I will be sneakily wearing my flip flops on Fridays until the mornings hit 50 degrees.

What about you?  Will you join me on Flip Flop Fridays?  Can you sneak them on at work?  Can you proudly display them after work?  Maybe slip into them for a moment in the morning before your day begins?  Comment on the blog or on Facebook if you are a Flip Flop Friday participant!

Yep, thats also my "frowned upon" mini fridge under my desk to the left, there.

Happy Flip Flop Friday!

Hugs and Hollers

I was reading a blog yesterday and it was talking about falling into the "check-list trap."  I have so many things I must get done on a daily basis that when I sit down after supper, bath, laundry, dishes... I think back and ask, did I even really spend time with my family tonight?

At work my day is all about lists to check off so I can feel I have accomplished something that day.  But should that carry over to my home life?  Did I even connect with my kids today? 

I think back over my last couple of nights (since thats all I have during the workweek) with my kids.  I do remember getting frustrated that I had to tell my 6 year old to get dressed and brush his teeth 14 times before I saw any movement.  I did get irritated that my 3 year old "forgot" we just read a book so he cried when it was time to go to sleep.  I do remember trying to figure a way to make the dryer timer buzzer sound like the coffee maker so I can be excited when the cycle is finished instead of wanting to beat it with the dustbuster.

But did I ever at any point share anything remotely spiritual with my kids this week?  Have I pointed them to Jesus at all?  If he is such a big part of my life and is really working on my heart and growing me to be like him, why am I not sharing this with my kids?  Do I assume they will "get it" at church in Sunday School?  Or maybe the responsibility should lie with Vacation Bible School?  But thats only once a year!

"So that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as your live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  Deuteronomy 6

Lord, help me to find ways to incorporate your word into our daily lives!  Help me to tell B that he reminds me so much of Moses.  Such a reluctant leader.  Help me to read that to him and show him where and why and what you did with that man from humble beginnings who changed the course of history.  Help me to show Ty why you need to listen to God and/or your parents the first time, with Jonah being swallowed up by the whale.  Lord, help me to teach these children your ways when we sit at home, walk along the road, when we lie down at night and when we get up in the morning.

As my good friend Miss Kathy says, little boys can only remember one command at a time.  If that is true, let it be to Love God and love others. 

No one gets to heaven by putting their shoes in the basket by the side door, or getting into bed by 8pm (although that sounds heavenly to me some nights!).  I don't even think anyone got closer to Jesus by getting all the laundry folded or (gasp!) making sure there are no dishes left in the sink.

Sometimes its necessary to pull out the mean voice and holler when obedience is not forthcoming.  I know my heavenly Father does it, so its good enough for me and my kids.  But help me to remember that for every holler, there needs to be 3 times as many hugs.  Because thats also how my heavenly Father does it, so its important for me and my boys.

I did get to come home after running this morning to my boys waiting on the couch for me.  Normally they aren't allowed to come down on school days until they are dressed and ready to go.  But it was such an uplifting picture for me to start the day. 

My little squishy Ty with his army of froggies.  And my helpful, serious B, who brought Ty downstairs with him and got them started on a TV show they agreed on.  Peaceful.  Loving brothers this morning.

I went over and hugged both my guys. 

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

I'm so thankful that we get to start over every single morning.  We don't have to continually live in defeat.  We aren't made for that.  We get to take what God chooses to show us and we get to do something with it in our lives.  That, people, is praise worthy in my book! 

For more conviction, see:

 http://www.thebettermom.com/2012/08/11911/  and

http://www.thebettermom.com/2012/08/motherhood-is-heart-work/ 

Charleston and Ninja Ken

I'm so excited that my new little nephew, Joshua Michael Ellis was born on Wednesday, August 15th!  My sister is an amazing woman and went home with her perfect little boy 26 hours after giving birth!

B and I snuck down on Thursday to hang out for the weekend and help out/hold Joshua. 

I also grabbed my beautiful niece, Hannah and took she and B on a few adventures while I was down there.  Thanks, Dad for chaperoning!  I just love Charleston. 

And Italian Ice sold by street vendors at Battery Park when its 95 degrees.

The kids had blue raspberry.

B and Hannah have a few issues when trying to play together.  Both want control.  One likes Hero Factory and the other Barbie.  One is 100 mph constantly and the other is a little too sarcastic for his age. 

We had to find a common ground one afternoon so B brought me Ken and we made him a Ninja out of a trash bag, some masking tape and scissors.  Who's craft-challenged???  Go Ken, Hiyaaa!

I took the two older kids to the park on Saturday.  The park also had a sprinkler park, but we didn't bring swimsuits so we walked on by and played on the playground instead. 

It was HOT.  Like Charleston-in-the-summer hot.  After swinging and sliding for a while in that heat, the sprinkler park was looking really good.  The kids asked again, and since they had been so nice, and Hannah had an undershirt on, I folded. 

The kids chased each other and played nonstop for an hour in those sprinklers!  So much fun!

That also happened to be the afternoon they played the best together.  My answer to grouchy children who don't take naps is to get outside and run 'em!

Well, back to work this week.  I had so much fun with my little impromptu trip with B all by ourselves before school starts again.  I don't get a lot of one-on-one with him, so it was a really good time.

And I just love Charleston.  Have I mentioned that?

Bowling and Babies!

I just can't wait to meet my little nephew, Joshua!  He is making his entrance on Wed if not sooner!  I miss my parents but am so glad they are in SC with my little sister.  My niece Hannah will be such a great big sister.  I will hopefully get to visit soon and get my baby fix.  Especially a baby BOY fix!

Speaking of fun little boys, we took my two and friends who also have two little boys bowling on Saturday.  It was one of those impromptu not-really-planned events that worked out awesome.  I need more of those! 

The boys had their own lane and really had a blast.  The older two were pretty good too!

 

We grabbed lunch and went on home to put Ty down for a nap.  He was "not tired" and this is what happens when he is not tired.

  B helped Justin in the yard since he is earning money to buy a Nintendo DS since his parents don't think a 6 year old needs anything costing that much (mean ole parents), but agreed to allow him to get it if he earned the money for it himself.  We'll see how determined he will be.  I, for one, will be extremely impressed and proud of him if he works that long to earn that much cash.  My iPhone didn't cost that much.

Sunday were so tired from VBS week last week and all but B took a nap.  It was super nice.  Sundays should always be nap day.

Then off to borrow my parent's field for B to work on his bike-sans-training-wheels skills!  He did pretty well.  He very much likes the traumatic jump off the bike when it slows down and sometimes he is more excited for the jump than actually staying on the bike and peddling.  Well, its a work in progress.

Counting down for pictures of baby Joshua!

Vacation Bible School 2012!

This year at VBS we are learning about Paul and the Underground Church.  The best thing about this year is that all four little Estes's are together either learning or serving.  I love it!

Justin is an architect in ancient Rome and teaching the kids about aquaducts and buildings. 

I have the 2's again this year and just love hanging out and hugging on these sweet kids. 

Everyone is split up into Roman families and this year they mixed the kid's age groups, which is really neat.  They all wear different colored sashes to show which family they belong to. 

All except for my Ty.  He is calling one of his teachers "my friend" and said,

"Mommy, can you tell my fwend that I don't want to wear the shash?"

Its exhausting since we don't get the boys to bed until close to 10pm, but they are having so much fun.  It makes such a difference when the leaders are excited to be there.  The kids can feel it and they respond to it.  Thanking Jesus for sending the right workers!

The Director has such a heart for these kids and loves VBS so much.  I thank God for her willingness to serve him in this capacity and hope I can learn a thing or two about gratitude for service!

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.  Matthew 18:2-5

Favorite parts of VBS thus far (week is 1/2 over).

We were in Paul's prison cell with the 3 and 4 year olds and one of them asked a question.

"Paul, have you been in prison this whole time?"

Paul, "Yes, yes I have."

"Well, I saw you walking from your car into the building today."

Paul, "Well, even I get some yard time, work with me kids!"

We were in music class just singing away and one poor little thing had an accident.  I don't know what was so magical about the pee puddle, but the kids were just flocking to it before we could get to it with some Resolve!  The little ones were teetering around it almost falling and all of a sudden the other kids were being drawn to it as well!  One of the leaders had to go straddle the pee puddle to keep the kids out of it!  The magical, magnetic pee puddle!

We were in the "Paul room" listening to the actor talking about being persecuted for Christ and one of the 4 year olds kept raising his hand to say something.

"Yes, do you have a question?"

"We live in Virginia."

"Yes we do, thank you."

(Raising his hand again) "My Daddy works in Norvern Virginia sometimes."

"Thats nice, thank you very much."

Or the best one was when he asked if anyone had ever gotten made fun of for talking about Jesus and a little girl's hand shot up immediately.  When asked what happened to her she said, after a huge silence,

"Um, I don't know that one."

So funny!  I just love these kids!

I took my class out for a nature walk last night right as it was getting dark.  We smelled the flowers, talked about the beautiful colors and how God made it all.  Even if all they go home with this week is that God made them and God loves them always, thats enough for me!

Thank you, Jesus for giving us the opportunity to do something special for you this week!

Little guy mad & wake up time

My little guy is definitely going through some 3 year old adjustments.  Lately its really been a struggle of wills.  I tell my boys that I will always win since I'm the stubbornest person I know.  But struggle we do, nonetheless.  Did with B at 3 too.

My poor little Ty.  He was saying over and over that he wasn't tired and didn't want to nap when we got home from lunch at VeVe and Pop's house on Sunday.  He was saying this all the while rubbing those big beautiful eyes and yawning. 

He asked a hundred times why he had to take a nap.  He didn't want to take a nap.  He wasn't tired.

3 minutes after pulling out of the driveway...

Ty is beginning the phase where he gets out of bed himself after waking up.  Currently that has been pre-5:30am and we are not fans!  Especially since that eats into my early morning quiet time/run time.  The other morning J was sleeping downstairs since he has been sick and before 5:30am I wake up sensing someone was up (ONE of my super hero strengths).

I sit up on an elbow and wait.

Here comes my sweet little Ty, arms full of froggies (all 3 of them).  He creeps into my doorway, nighttime diaper making that slight crunching crinkle sound as he walks.  Rubbing his eyes, he looks up at me, seeing I'm already awake and whispers,

"Is it wake up time yet?"

The bleary eyed, not-yet-woken-up-all-the-way mom in me wanted to send him back to bed for another half hour.  But looking at the PJ clad, not-quite-boy, but older-than-a-baby sweetness that stood in my doorway, I thought about how few mornings I have left with this squishy armed, soft cheeked little one before he is all grown up and not wanting Mommy to cuddle with him. 

We do value a good cuddle in my bed around here.  And yes, I often find in the morning that I have slept on some Honey-Nut Cheerios.  All part of the job.

So I opened the covers and helped him pull up on the bed with me.  I got him tucked into our fluffy comforter and pillows and we laid there forehead to forehead in the quiet stillness while dawn broke over the backyard trees and started peeking through our plantation shutters. 

My youngest son looked up at me with his sweet little face and whispered,

"Mommy, I pee pee on myself."

Holy COW!

I sat straight up and threw the covers back as fast as I could and scooped him out of my bed trying not to die laughing while getting him changed and into some dry clothes. 

Back to reality and wake up time!

Great Expectations

Expectations:  the act of anticipating; an attitude of hope.

God has been doing some pruning lately and I'll be honest, it hurts.  I'm starting to understand that He is slowly snipping away at my control so that I will fully trust in Him and what He has for my life.  This causes a lot of frustration for this control freaky people pleaser.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  John 15:1-2

Habitually I plan events and try so hard to make them very cute and trendy and I get very caught up in the details of the event and forget all about the purpose of getting friends or family together, and then end up very disappointed in myself and overwhelmed at the amount of work I have created... for myself. 

I read these amazing blogs with some amazing women and think, I can do that.  Then real life happens and I really just can't.  And I have been fighting so hard against the "can't" that instead of recognizing limitations and embracing how God made me and my talents, I see just another failure.

I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

You see, I come from a family of beautiful women who entertain seemingly effortlessly.  Their houses are spotless, their food always tasty and creative, their gifts lie in being amazing hostesses and making their guests feel welcome.  They throw a great party.

Me, on the other hand, did not get this gift.  And because I want to pretend I have this gift (people pleaser) I struggle very hard to create this kind of party and end up overwhelmed and finding no joy in it.  You would think I would learn and quit doing this!  It feels like running into the same wall over and over and not stepping back to see I can just go around!

God gives all of us individual gifts.  Mine really is just not entertaining large groups.  That does not mean God doesn't want me to invite people into my home!  It just means he wants me to leave the cupcake toppers alone!  (Recent meltdown involved some very cute cupcake toppers that took over my life for a very short time and almost had me running to bed with a migraine)

My gifts lie elsewhere and I'm still working to figure out what they are.  What brings me joy and allows me to minister to people as God wants me to?

I love spending time with family and friends. 

I love putting up my pool in the summer and having watermelon at my picnic table.

I love writing my blog and recording things my kids say and do at this point in their precious lives.

I love doing meals for families in need or going through a rough time.

I love sending cards to people for encouragement.

I love finding and giving thoughtful and personal gifts.

I love spending time reading and exploring God's Word and what He has to say to me.

I love having downtime.

I love water fights with my kids in the yard.

I love playing hookie once in a while with the man I've been in love with for 15 years and do nothing but bum around and have some lunch.

Its not about letting go of high expectations for myself.  Its about putting the right expectations that God intended on myself.  He doesn't judge me on whether or not I have cute cupcake toppers, or a homemade birthday banner, or matching napkins and hand designed drink labels.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.  John 15:16

He just wants me to stop thinking about me and how I want everyone to think I have it all together and can do everything while working, taking care of my family and building a home.  He wants me to focus on loving others and trying to show them Jesus.

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love.  I told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this:  Love each other.  John 15:10-12

The thing is, if I stop and listen, He tells me when its getting to be too much.  I find joy in making my kid's birthday cakes each year.  It never gets overwhelming and I have so much fun doing it.  I also find a lot of joy creating invitations to the party.  Not overwhelming there either.  But when I start obsessing with every detail of the party... activities for the kids, print out labels for everything that matches the homemade shirt he will wear... I start getting overwhelmed and end up wanting to just get in the bed and close the door.

If anyone does not remain in me, she is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  John 15:6

God wants me to know my limits and He will tell me if I listen up!

I certainly have not mastered this yet.  But I feel that I need to really try and let go of most things I'm working so hard to accomplish with these get togethers and events.  If I don't, the joy will be sucked right out of it and I won't minister to anyone.  And I'll end up in the bed exhausted.

We just can't all have the same gifts.  And we can't hold ourselves to someone else's expectations.  Someone said that comparison is the killer of joy.  The only person we need to please is our Father in Heaven.  As long as we have done what He asks and wants for us, all we do will be a success!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.   John 15:7

Bibles & Batteries

I'm having a bit of a decorator meltdown at the moment.  Too much Design Star, too many Room Crasher reruns, too many awesome diy blogs!!!  They are killing my joy, people!

Then I find the book I desperately needed at the moment called, "We're Just Like You, Only Prettier" by Celia Rivenbark.  If you are craft-challenged, have ever felt guilty for not finishing a home project (like half of your backyard fence is stained, but the other not - for the last 2 years), or have ever fed your child a pack of Smarties for a snack in a pinch because its the only thing you could find in your purse, then go... no run and go get this book.

You will laugh your head off until you are crying and can't finish reading a sentence out loud to your husband.  I could have written this book, the stories are so right on.

But back to my little meltdown this weekend.  My attempts at making my home look anything like some of the blogs I read has been little more than hysterical.  And I don't mean in a funny way.  I am content to let stuff go and just have the house relatively clean, laundry mostly under control, and kids happy by spending time with them.  And then, out of no where, the little decorator monster comes creeping out. 

All of a sudden, the kitchen and dining room that I was just fine with, is now the enemy.  I must have a make-shift entryway BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS!  All of a sudden this self-imposed deadline is waking me up at night and I am rushing to my laptop to search on how to make an entryway out of a broken chair and a wire cart (the two items I have in excess at the moment).  It SHOULD be easy.  Any normal blogging mama can tackle this with some spray paint and bakers twine while a homemade pie cooks in the oven and the kids make sun catchers at the craft table and sing Jesus Loves Me in perfect harmony.

But not this blogging mama.  I resort to getting weepy on the phone with my poor husband who is currently fighting the economy and tonsillitis, but I want to know what his thoughts are on driving giant screws in to the wall for hooks to hang up book bags that won't be in existence for another month.  (Its a wonder he is still married to me, for Pete's sakes.  Good thing I'm cute in an unconventional way and am known to whip up some mashed potatoes once in a blue moon.  Ok, so they are Bob Evans from the fridge section, but still!)

I don't know what gets into me.  So I proceeded to make this huge list, at the suggestion of my baby sister, of all the projects I wanted to tackle in the house.  This list has potential to motivate me and as I start with the smallest thing and mark it off, I will feel accomplished and stress free.

Again, I'm positive this would work for a normal human being.  However, this list encouraged the monster to critically eye each area of scratched paint, each hole in the drywall I made during the last decorator meltdown when I redid the upstairs bath and didn't realize the 1986 builders of my humble abode cemented the mirror to the wall.  As I walked around with my list and noted each crack, each color faux pas, each mismatched piece of furniture, I fed the monster more and more.  Finally I collapse into a heap on the couch with a box of tissues, wondering what I am going to do if I can't find a letter "E" to bedazzle and put on the mantle.

In comes husband/rescuer/my rock/reality slap from my heavenly father, stage left.

My husband sacrifices an entire Saturday with me and the kids, including parent watching at the west end hair salon that is just for kids (although we have seen some parents hop up in the little mini chair to get a trim), and a birthday party at Chick Fil-A with some good friends and kids, to clean out the landscaping in both the front and backyard (on my list), vacuum, declutter, clean the toy table and help move around the kitchen to make a place for my decidedly necessary entryway.

All this, while his wife just checks off more complaints.  How awful is that???

I don't know why the ugly decorator monster visits from time to time.  I believe it has something to do with this sinful nature I still walk around with and constantly have to ask God to come in and sweep out with the dust pan.

But my hubby is just too sweet to me.  He will clean out the cabinet so I have room to put the bibles and batteries while at the same time telling me how silly I sound and helping me defeat the monster one more time.

Thank the Lord he brings me a partner in life to keep me on the path we want for our family.

And that path has nothing to do with spray paint and bakers twine and has a lot to do with tickle fights and swimming in our backyard pool.