Remembering Christmas 2013

The holidays are pretty different now that my whole side of the family doesn't get together at the same time.  I definitely missed my sister Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We did get to see my brother's family for Christmas and had a fun time.  We didn't try to slam as many events or "traditions" into the season like we normally do.  December went by so quickly, I let a lot of things go so we would have more time at home with my four just playing and spending time together. 

 

The boys are at such a great age.  I'm pretty much past mourning the baby stage and am starting to see a lot of positives in the current stage where Ty is becoming more independent and B is maturing enough to play with his little brother without expecting him to be 8.  We actually have some down time.  This year of simplifying was both challenging and a blessing.  Although we aren't going and doing as much, that also means more time at home.  Inviting friends over to play and hang out.  Getting to know our kids better.  Enjoying them.

 

On that note, here are some things I definitely do not want to forget about Christmas time this year:

-  Ty singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as loud as he can while sitting on the toilet, every time
-  How much both boys enjoyed driving around looking at lights this year with paper bag popcorn
-  Our first time at Kabutos with the boys - B loved it and tried all the food, even shrimp! Ty, not so much
-  Both boys performing in the church Christmas program, learning and reciting John 3:16 and singing/signing it in front of the church
-  Ty pulling out his "tucked in" shirt right after the song was over at the church program
-  Ty being terrified of Santa "coming up stairs"
-  Hiking through Grandmas woods and J and I liking the slingshots better than the boys
-  The boys coming to my work and having lunch with me the day after Christmas
-  B's obsession with football
-  Praying on our bed before running downstairs to open presents
-  Jesus' birthday cake for breakfast
-  B reading out of Luke Christmas morning

 

 

It was a good Christmas, and we are blessed.  God has shifted my focus a bit and its not about "what ministry does he want me in?" but more "how can I be a blessing to others?"  Its going to be a fun year if we can stay present in the moment and keep our family focused on Jesus.  I've learned that sometimes God puts opportunities in front of you so He can clearly say NO and you can gain confidence that you are where He wants you in this season.

 

I've also learned that sometimes God allows friends to grow apart so you can learn to depend on Him.

 

It is true that if we "remain in Him, He will remain in us."  And he has led us very closely this year.  I am thankful. 

 

So as the year comes to a close, and my boys are preparing a stuffed animal ambush for when Daddy steps into the kitchen, I can breathe deep, knowing God has given me the power to stop and be sure I'm enjoying my kids today.  Even if its a pouty, whiney day.  I can give grace to others for their mistakes because I have been given His Grace even though I don't deserve it and mess up daily.  And I can love exactly where I am, without looking around at what could have, would have been, with confidence I am where He wants me today.

 

Merry Christmas and good bye 2013!
 

 

Shake Out Your Apron

 

“Don't listen to the world's answers.  And don't fall into the trap of trying to be like other moms.  Just saturate yourself in God's Truth and trust the gut instincts He gives you.”     --- Lysa TerKeurst

 

I am trying to let go of so many expectations I have for myself and my family and just saturate myself in God's word.  His Word is all I need.  His promises will sustain me.  God is #enough. 

 

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’  (Psalm 91:1-2, NIV)

 

Its time for me to get back to the basics and just lean into Jesus.  A friend's comment yesterday about needing to get back into the Word hit home for me.  She said that was the way to get replenished and she is so right!  I keep waiting for life to slow down so I can find some time to do something that will replenish me, or make me feel rested, and that is just not the answer.  I feel like I’ve been fighting against something for a while now, and I don’t know what it even is.  But I’m exhausted from it.  I tend to google and read self help articles/books/blogs/devotions trying to find a formula or answer to my struggles, and I keep coming up empty.  And the struggle is still there. 

 

My Mom told me something about my great grandmother that really got me thinking.  She had a 4^th grade education and 14 children.  She was only 4 foot 9, but ran a household and a farm.  She could ring the neck of a chicken Sunday morning before church and have a home cooked meal on the table after church.  She didn’t have Google (gasp!).  Her daily schedule included fixing a large meal in the middle of the day for her family and then after cleaning up, she would sit in her rocker and read her Bible for an hour, every single day.  That was her self help book.  That was her formula.  Every one of her 14 children has come to know the Lord in their hearts.  How successful of a mom she was!

Her children and her grandchildren would all come to her over the years for council and to vent frustrations about life.  Mom said after every “session” with one of her own, after the person left, she would stand up and shake her apron out.  Mom asked her what she was doing one time and she said she was shaking all the worries out of her apron.  She would just give them to God and keep on going.  How often we need to shake out our aprons!

 

So I’m trying to let some things go this week.  Shake out my apron and read my Bible and pray.  Back to the basics.  No scheming this week for plans and formulas to try and help myself fix everything.  I’m going to read the only self help book we need, and shake my apron out to the only one who can take all my worries from me.

Praying you will shake out your apron today and have time in the word this upcoming week because God is #enough.

 

Linking up this week with Proverbs 31 ministries.

 

God Story - If Have the Will, He Has the Way #YesIDo

I am a giver by nature.  Not patting myself on the back at all, I just know I get so much joy from finding the perfect thing for a specific person and giving that gift to them.  Much more so than getting something myself.  One of the hardest things about taking a pay cut and being on a budget is having less funds to do my giving.  I have felt like I have to hang up my “giver” hat until we have more funds.  But that didn’t really feel right.  So I have been praying a little about that and deciding that I would just continue to give in the means God has provided for now.  That may just mean a pot of chili when God pricks my heart to do so.  Or just the right word of encouragement at the right time.  But this week?  This week God is providing abundantly for this willing heart.  I just get so tickled that I have to share.  If anyone can gain some encouragement from these stories, I’m so thankful for it.  If anyone feels I’m boasting, well, that’s not my problem to fix.  J

(Bless your little heart!)

 

I receive emails daily advertising small business owners goods for sale and this morning one item really stood out to me.  It was a shirt for little girls with the William Shakespeare quote:

 

“Though she be but little, she is fierce.” 

 

Immediately my friend, Tara came to mind.  Tara was pregnant with twins and on bed rest the entire month of October.  The twins were not due until the end of December.  Due to complications, Tara lost her little boy November 9^th at 32 weeks and delivered her little girl at 2 lbs 14 ozs.  Little Afton is strong and fighting, but she is little.  She absolutely HAD to have this quote on something!  So I emailed the owner of the shop, not really knowing how I would pay for this gift, but asked her just the same if she could put the quote on a preemie onesie for me for Afton.  I shared my friend's circumstances.  And you know what God did?  He prompted this shop owner to reply within minutes and tell me she will find a onesie to put it on and send it AT NO CHARGE!  She said she would love to be able to give back after being so blessed. 

 

Praise the Lord!  Sometimes God chooses to use a willing heart and provide the means for the blessing!  I can still figure out how to give even without a lot of disposable income.  He is just something else.  

 

And in case you are looking for an empowering gift for a little girl this Christmas, the shop info is as follows.  I absolutely have to put in a plug for them since they provided so willingly.

thetalkingshirt.com

 

And God will generously provide all you need.  Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.  2 Cor 9:8

 

 

Linking up with Proverbs31 blog hop today. 

(Cause it just so happens the topic fits!  Thanks again, God!)

 

Happy 8th Birthday, Braden!

Saturday my big guy turned 8!  Where did the time go???  He is such a handsome little smarty. 

 

The Story: 

On Tuesday November 8^th, 2005, I went in for my weekly Dr. visit to check on the “big gut, no butt” little guy (as Dr. D fondly called him) still in my belly.  He was due November 26th.  Unfortunately, he was having some trouble in there and Dr. D decided he needed to come on out the following week.  So we scheduled his appearance via induction for Tuesday, November 15^th.    We went in very early that morning and got hooked up to the meds by 8am, really believing we would be holding our baby sometime that day.  But B had other plans.

 

To make a long long journey shortened for sake of server space, we didn’t get to meet B that day.  I labored until 6pm, was extremely grouchy from not eating since dinner the night before, and tired of watching The Office and being in pain.  Dr. D cut me loose to grab a shower and some dinner.  B obviously wasn’t making an appearance that day.  My awesome sister brought me a huge Moe’s Burrito and chips and queso dip which Dr. D thought was crazy.  But I ate it all and took a break.  At midnight, we hooked back up to the meds.  I labored all night and into the morning.  At noon Dr. D announced that B was in distress and we were going in to get him.

 

 

Braden Todd Estes made his debut at 12:15pm Wednesday, November 16^th, 2005 at 7 lbs 6 oz via emergency C-Section.  They weighed him twice because they thought for sure he was much bigger than that.  B was a good baby who didn’t cry unless he needed something.  Unfortunately he was never a good sleeper.  Didn’t really sleep through the night until the last couple of years.  There’s a lot of passing in the hallways in the middle of the night at my house. 

 

We are so blessed to have our Braden.  He was prayed over before he was ever known.  He is smart, funny, handsome, thoughtful and loves sports.  Sounds like another guy in my house.  I love him to death. 

 

 

B has really taken to football recently and enjoyed having his own fantasy team this year.  He loves choosing what players to play each week and reading the number stats on each player (wha?? Not from ME!).  He is still a major Redskins fan and loves to watch the games in pieces while waiting for the bus in the mornings.  He is almost to my shoulder already and built for speed.  Light on his feet and athletic.  He can hold his own with almost any sport.  He’s a good big brother to Ty, (especially when we aren’t watching) and he has given his big ole, number lovin heart to God this fall.  I am proud of him as my son and now as my brother in Christ.  I’m so thankful that no matter where life takes him now, he has the biggest, baddest Daddy of them all watching and protecting and intervening for him.  Love.  It.

Well of course we had to have a football birthday party!  Justin made the goal post out of PVC piping, it looked awesome.  I decided to do pull apart cupcakes this year and saw a neat looking football field idea on foodnetwork.com, so I had to try it.  B decided he wanted to go out with Dad and do Laser Tag instead of having a big party, so we had family over for snacks and cupcakes when they got back.

 

 

Poor planning on my part, Justin took the birthday boy out and left little needy squishy one with me while I was trying to get the food and decorations done for the party.  Poor Ty.  Not only was he not getting gifts that day, but I had to keep shoo-ing him away from the kitchen.  Everything he touched was getting messed up.  He was looking at the goal post and almost took the whole tablecloth and everything on it down with him.  He tried to come watch me decorate the cupcakes and fell forward and knocked half of them into the sink.  Tough day for my little guy.

 

 

We had a great time at the party with family.

 

On Sunday we had our annual shoe box packing party at church.  Each year we participate in Operation Christmas Child and pack shoe boxes full of goodies for children over seas who don’t gets to open presents at Christmas and don’t have much at all.  The message of Jesus’s birth, death and resurrection is also included in the box in the language of the child so they can read about God’s love and sacrifice for them.  Its an amazing organization and we are always excited to help.

 

 

Tyler helped me pack a few boxes and then I saw him swipe a car from the toy bin and put it in his pocket.  I asked him what he was doing and my poor little Ty, who suffered through the birthday party that was not about him, presents that were not for him, cupcakes that weren’t in his honor, and now packing toys and candy in boxes that weren’t for him says,

 

“But I want this toy.”

 

Me: “Honey, those toys aren’t for you.  They are for children who don’t have toys or presents.”

 

Ty:  “But Mama, those kids are invisible!  I’m not!”

 

I realized I had failed to explain this shoe box business to my sweet 4 year old.  We had to take a moment away to talk about this.  Of course the kids were invisible to him!  My sweet boy!  Did I mention this is the same boy who begged his VeVe to let him buy flowers at Sams Club for me because “Mama likes flowers.”  What 4 year old buys his Mama flowers? 

 

 

 

 

What a fun weekend with family and friends.  Happy birthday to my B-man!

 

 

A God Story & Football Crackers

 

I just have to share this God story from this week and this is way too long for Facebook.  Its pretty personal, but when God works in a very personal and special way, I have to tell others!

 

So life has been a little heavy for me lately.  I have quite a few friends who are going through some life altering tragedies.  The weight I feel praying daily for them and becoming emotionally invested in their burdens is palatable.  Its been a tough week.  One of the friend’s family had a need for meals this weekend and God pricked my heart to provide.

 

“But God, I have been asked to provide a meal during the week of B’s birthday party and the budget is already pretty tight.  And on a Thursday night?  God, remember I work on Thursdays.  How would I have time to cook a meal and get it over there by dinner time?” 

 

Well, God reminded me that I had cooked a huge pot of chili the evening before that was supposed to be lunch and dinner for the next couple of nights.  And he asked me to share my chili.  This was my “good” chili recipe.  One that had expensive salsa as the base and ground turkey.  Not my cheap recipe with beans only and tomato paste.  But I was thankful that we did have something we could share and sacrifice is supposed to be inconvenient and noticeable, or its not much of a sacrifice, right?  I was more than happy to share our food for the week.  So Justin and I packed it up with bread and salad and ran it over there after work.

 

The same evening I needed to go to the grocery store since our kitchen was looking a little like Old Mother Hubbard’s.  And my “security tank” is full when my cupboards are full so I was feeling pretty anxious about our family’s food supply.  I half joked with God on the way there to please at least have the salsa on sale so I could make us some more chili! 

 

 

Since we have been on our budget, my grocery store trips feels more like General Schwarzkopf planning to storm a terrorist hideout.  Between coupons and the weekly circular, my assault on Food Lion is very strategically planned and executed.  If they have a buy one get one free sale on something, my family is going to be eating that that week.  If its turkey gravy, by golly we are finding a recipe that needs turkey gravy.  I had my list for this week including all the birthday party essentials.  I had my coupons and I knew what was on sale and what I was going to pay full price for.

 

I get into Food Lion and as I start to mark things off my list and place them in my basket, I began to realize something.  Every single thing on my list is on sale.  And I mean  ½ off or a couple dollars off and even items that weren’t listed on the weekly circular are on sale.  I’m just completely overwhelmed. 

 

On a side note, B’s birthday party theme is football.  I had read somewhere that Oreo made a football shaped cookie at some point and I thought that would be perfect for the party.  I contacted Nabisco and they said they hadn’t made those for a while, so I had nixed that idea.  While I’m grocery shopping and praising God and having a very surreal experience, I thought, wouldn’t it be just crazy if the store had those Oreos?  So when I got to the cookie aisle, I started to look.  I couldn’t help myself.  When I had searched and not found them, I started laughing at myself and talking to God.

 

“Ok, God, I get it.  You aren’t a magician who magically makes things appear just because I ask.  I get it.  Like the sales aren’t enough?  Gracious, forgive me for getting greedy, here!” 

 

So I continue down the aisle and right at the end I happen to look over and see football shaped Ritz crackers!!!  I mean, wha???  Just crazy amazing!  I started crying in the store and laughing and pretty much looking like a lunatic.  He provides all the time, even if its not exactly the way we think he ought to.  But He does.

 

My basket, at the end of the shopping trip, is overflowing to the point that my shredded cheese is sliding off the top to the floor.  I can’t fit one more thing in this basket.  And as the register finishes adding and the total is $15 less than my weekly budget, I just stand there trembling not even believing what just happened here at the grocery store.

 

Yesterday morning I was doubting sharing my food with a family in need because it may make my family need.  In my devotions, before any of this had happened, God had given me the following verse:

 

And God will generously provide all you need.  Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.  2 Cor 9:8

 

How insanely cool was it that He chose to illustrate this verse He gave me in this very real way on the SAME DAY!!!

 

Now look, I know some of you will doubt all this and think I’m pretty nutty.  But I don’t care one bit because I KNOW.  I know that God wants so much to walk with us every day and delight us with His hand in our lives, but we have to let Him!  We have to just ask Him to walk with us and “do” life with us.  If I am truly seeking Him and His will for my life, He does the most marvelous things.  And I am compelled to share them.  What if I decorated and baked and put together this terrific party for B and he came down the stairs and looked at it and just shrugged and said,

 

 

“Well, look what just happened by coincidence while I was asleep upstairs.  Isn’t that nice?”

 

I would be devastated that B didn’t recognize all the work and thought I had put into the party for him because I love him.  I believe this is how God feels when I don’t recognize its HIM!  Its His work, His hand, He did all of this for ME because,

 

You are precious and honored in my sight and… I love you.  Isa 43:4

 

I just wanted to share this God story, and how He just delighted me and provided in abundance for my family this week.  My cupboards are full and so is my heart.  Thank you, thank you, my Heavenly Father.

 

 

Falling

There are a number of ways you can fall.  You can dive, like my B, when he is playing kickball, to catch the ball and get the other player out.  He did this earlier in the week and forgot he was on blacktop instead of grass.  Yeah.  Head to toe road rash on the left side.  His pinky looks like he was dragged down the street hanging out of a car.  Lots of band-aids needed.

 

You can fall like my Ty.  He will be standing beside me talking to me and all of a sudden he is on the ground.  We don't know how it happens.  Its not violent.  More due to a lack in ability to stand still.  He almost vibrates when he is telling me something.  Legs moving.  Little feet moving and then boom, on the ground.

 

My least favorite way to fall is in the dark when you are hurled headlong into the air, land on the ground and the momentum keeps you sliding forward until there is no skin left on your hands or knees.  The air hits the newly exposed nerves and it just hurts.  Then, if you are miles away from the house, you get to hobble home.  This was me the first, and last time I fell while running in the dark.  I had a lot of confidence running in the dark and used to go on out at 5am all the time.  I never fell or had a problem.  Then last year I ran through a patch of town where two street lights in a row were out and mistook a big fat curb for a curb cut and went hurling into the dark on my hands and knees.  It wasn't pretty.  And finally getting home and in the shower brought more pain.  I have some lovely scars leftover to remind me of my fall.

 

I don't run in the dark anymore.  And since its almost always dark at 5am and that's the only time I have to run, I don't run.

 

I don't like falling.  I can't imagine anyone does. 

 

For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.  Proverbs 24:16

 

A lot of times I fall in in other areas of my life and as the nerves are exposed to air, it just hurts.  I don't like hollering at my kids when my patience is worn thin.  I don't like turning to earthly things for comfort when I really should be praying for God to come fill me up.  I don't like slamming cabinets in the kitchen when I'm frustrated.  I get irritated at myself when I can't deal well with stress and pressure and I clam up.  But it happens.  And its not pretty. 

 

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; when he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.  Psalm 37:23-24

 

WHEN he falls.  Oh yes, I will fall.  I will fail.  But with God holding my hand, every fall doesn't have to be hurling headlong through the air.  And because I'm a little nutty and God likes to talk to me this way, it doesn't escape me that my bad fall was in the dark.  If we aren't holding God's hand and standing in His light, we are bound to have a way worse fall that may leave a lot more scars.  But in His light, we can fail forward and move on with confidence.

When falling makes me feel like a failure, I can boldly say #IAMNOT.

Linking up with Proverbs 31 ministries today.



Halloween and a Klutzy Mama

First off I have to say, I don't know anything that would make me feel more uncoordinated than getting stuck with my head on the kitchen floor, while my deaf dog is standing on my hair completely oblivious to me hollering for him to GET OFF!  How did I get in this predicament, you ask?  I broke a treat in half and gave one to the little not-so-bright puppy in his crate and dropped the other half on the kitchen floor for my old grouchy dog who then in turn smacked it with his paw and slid it under the oven.  I foolishly thought the fix was getting him another treat, until I heard him scratch scratch scratch my kitchen floor by the oven.  So, trying to help him, I knelt down and peered under the oven and tried to get the treat out with my wooden mixing spoon, only to realize he was standing on my hair and unable to hear me tell him to MOVE.  I mean, who in the world does this happen to??? 

 

I finally pushed him over enough to get up and he's looking at me like, "what's your problem, lady?"

 

On to Halloween! 

 

Usually we head over to church and enjoy the fall festival for Halloween.  B loves the games and we have to drag Ty out of the bouncy house once in a while to let other kids have a turn. We decided to change it up this year and go trick-or-treating with the kids.  They have never done it, and since its seems to be going out of style, we wanted the kids to experience it.  Well, one Halloween in our neighborhood proves that trick-or-treating is still a huge thing, people!  Our streets, at 5pm, started looking like a party!  Cars lined the sides with kids and parents everywhere.  It was pretty awesome!

 

 

We had a very cool RGIII and his Ninja bodyguard.  RGIII had an "authentic" sleeve along with his do-rag and dreadlocks.  I was a tiny bit afraid his costume may offend someone, but no way!  B either got much love or some fun trash talking from Cowboy fans.  B loved it!

 

 

Why yes, that IS magic marker on his face.  Thanks, Daddy!

 

 

Ty really had fun going door to door.  He would follow big brother, yell "trick-or-treat!" and say "thank you" each time.  Good manners for a Ninja!  His costume was B's from last year minus about 2 feet of pant and shirt sleeves that I cut off.  The crotch of his pants came down to almost his knees.  He was adorable.  And tough!

 

 

 

Last year's costumes.  They have grown so much!

 

 

Everything was going great until we hit up a more scary house that had a fog machine.  After that intimidating experience, Ty was a little less excited about going to the door.  Which worked out since we had walked exactly 1/2 way around the neighborhood when Ty turns to me with "the face." 

 

"Mama, I gotta poop!"

 

Here we are, a half mile away from the house with no stroller or vehicle.  And he is doing the funny walk too which means he is NOT going to be able to walk home.  I had to pick up that little guy and hoof it all the way back to the house.  Thanks Bootcamp class!  When we got there, of course I remembered J had the keys.  So we had to go around back in the dark and break into the back door.  The now-deaf-dog never took his eyes off the front window as we snuck in.  So much for him helping the little dog with home safety. 

 

After taking care of that issue, we pulled out the old stroller and went to find Daddy and B.  They had made it most of the way around the circle at that point.  We did hit up one more house that had some scary looking decorations.  I guess I wasn't thinking much (nice one, Mama), and the boys seemed fine.  Until midnight later that night.  Ty was at the side of my bed not able to sleep.  Probably thinking of some of the scary things we saw.  I pulled him up into our bed for a couple of hours and we snuggled the scary thoughts outta there.

 

 

All in all we had a lot of fun!

#Moving Forward

Saturday we took the boys on a little hiking excursion.  2.53 miles didn't seem like a big deal, until you were dragging along two little boys with much shorter legs, who didn't necessarily walk in a straight line staying directly on the path.  As much as they jumped downed trees, hid under bridges to scare their mama, followed rabbit trails down to the lake... 2.53 miles turned into a lot more for those little legs.

 

About 3/4 of the way into the hike, the older boy stopped and just laid down on the trail, in the fallen leaves.  He was all done.  No more energy to finish this path.  It took a lot of encouraging from his mama to get him up and moving forward.  We couldn't stay there.  We had to finish the hike, since our truck was parked at the end of it and we were sitting in the middle of the woods.  He finally got himself together, trusting me when I told him we were almost finished, and moved forward.

 

One thing me and the hubs figured out was how much ground we could cover quickly if we put the boys on our shoulders and just started hoofing it.  We moved much faster and covered so much more ground! 

 

 

The problem was, my 4 year old is not light.  And I am not a football player or an acrobat.  I got tired!  So I could only carry him but for so long and then I had to put him down to walk on his own.

 

 

What a great illustration for me in my own life!  God has a very specific path that is made just for me.  My path is not too far for my short legs to go.  If I stay right on the trail He has marked for me, I won't grow too weary to finish.  But like my boys, I too get distracted by rabbit trails, downed trees and anything else that may float down the creek and catch my eye.  A lot of times these distractions come in the form of trying to please others, trying to earn God's approval or dealing with a heavy dose of self-doubt.  The more I veer off the path, the more weary I get.  Until I finally just lie down on the path, in the fallen leaves.  All done.

 

 

  That's when I drop all commitments, push people away, shut my bedroom door and sit in the corner between the wall and my nightstand wondering why I feel so exhausted and empty.  All done. 

 

 

But God.  When I stop and open His Word, and read the promises He has just for me, I am encouraged!  When I make time to sit in His presence and just talk it through with Him, I am refreshed!  When I trust in Him, I can begin moving forward! 

 

 

And unlike me and Ty, when I climb onto His shoulders, He doesn't get tired of carrying me.  We can cover so much more ground, so much faster when I allow Him to carry me.  I am able to move forward with Him without growing weary!

 

 

 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will fly up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be tired; they will walk and not be weary.  Isaiah 40:31

 

 

Blog hopping with Proverbs 31 today.