Great Expectations

Expectations:  the act of anticipating; an attitude of hope.

God has been doing some pruning lately and I'll be honest, it hurts.  I'm starting to understand that He is slowly snipping away at my control so that I will fully trust in Him and what He has for my life.  This causes a lot of frustration for this control freaky people pleaser.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  John 15:1-2

Habitually I plan events and try so hard to make them very cute and trendy and I get very caught up in the details of the event and forget all about the purpose of getting friends or family together, and then end up very disappointed in myself and overwhelmed at the amount of work I have created... for myself. 

I read these amazing blogs with some amazing women and think, I can do that.  Then real life happens and I really just can't.  And I have been fighting so hard against the "can't" that instead of recognizing limitations and embracing how God made me and my talents, I see just another failure.

I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

You see, I come from a family of beautiful women who entertain seemingly effortlessly.  Their houses are spotless, their food always tasty and creative, their gifts lie in being amazing hostesses and making their guests feel welcome.  They throw a great party.

Me, on the other hand, did not get this gift.  And because I want to pretend I have this gift (people pleaser) I struggle very hard to create this kind of party and end up overwhelmed and finding no joy in it.  You would think I would learn and quit doing this!  It feels like running into the same wall over and over and not stepping back to see I can just go around!

God gives all of us individual gifts.  Mine really is just not entertaining large groups.  That does not mean God doesn't want me to invite people into my home!  It just means he wants me to leave the cupcake toppers alone!  (Recent meltdown involved some very cute cupcake toppers that took over my life for a very short time and almost had me running to bed with a migraine)

My gifts lie elsewhere and I'm still working to figure out what they are.  What brings me joy and allows me to minister to people as God wants me to?

I love spending time with family and friends. 

I love putting up my pool in the summer and having watermelon at my picnic table.

I love writing my blog and recording things my kids say and do at this point in their precious lives.

I love doing meals for families in need or going through a rough time.

I love sending cards to people for encouragement.

I love finding and giving thoughtful and personal gifts.

I love spending time reading and exploring God's Word and what He has to say to me.

I love having downtime.

I love water fights with my kids in the yard.

I love playing hookie once in a while with the man I've been in love with for 15 years and do nothing but bum around and have some lunch.

Its not about letting go of high expectations for myself.  Its about putting the right expectations that God intended on myself.  He doesn't judge me on whether or not I have cute cupcake toppers, or a homemade birthday banner, or matching napkins and hand designed drink labels.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.  John 15:16

He just wants me to stop thinking about me and how I want everyone to think I have it all together and can do everything while working, taking care of my family and building a home.  He wants me to focus on loving others and trying to show them Jesus.

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love.  I told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this:  Love each other.  John 15:10-12

The thing is, if I stop and listen, He tells me when its getting to be too much.  I find joy in making my kid's birthday cakes each year.  It never gets overwhelming and I have so much fun doing it.  I also find a lot of joy creating invitations to the party.  Not overwhelming there either.  But when I start obsessing with every detail of the party... activities for the kids, print out labels for everything that matches the homemade shirt he will wear... I start getting overwhelmed and end up wanting to just get in the bed and close the door.

If anyone does not remain in me, she is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  John 15:6

God wants me to know my limits and He will tell me if I listen up!

I certainly have not mastered this yet.  But I feel that I need to really try and let go of most things I'm working so hard to accomplish with these get togethers and events.  If I don't, the joy will be sucked right out of it and I won't minister to anyone.  And I'll end up in the bed exhausted.

We just can't all have the same gifts.  And we can't hold ourselves to someone else's expectations.  Someone said that comparison is the killer of joy.  The only person we need to please is our Father in Heaven.  As long as we have done what He asks and wants for us, all we do will be a success!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.   John 15:7