Tasks vs The Heart - Part 2 Isaiah 49:23b

I already did a post with this title, but I thought the title fit well here too, hence the Part 2.  I'm learning a lot in my current Bible study called A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.  I'm digging deep.  Asking God to reveal some deep rooted issues in this seemingly confident gal.  I have become very good in developing my confident persona.  What I'm finding as I examine myself in this study is that my heart has some dark corners in the basement.  And when things like discontentment and insecurity pops up and take me by surprise, I'm starting to understand where its coming from. 

 

A lot of my confidence, my self-worth, how I value me, stems from accomplishments and performance.  Ouch.  When I look back to moments I felt valued and confident, I'm seeing a pattern of it being wrapped up in an accomplishment.  Running a half marathon.  Getting a promotion.  Losing weight.  None of this is being confident in who I am.  Its all confidence in what I did.  All of a sudden, the insecure feelings I've been dealing with lately are not so mysterious.  My life has gotten incredible simple the last 6 months.  A major job change, some health issues, cutting back activities... when I'm no longer performing well or accomplishing much, I'm struggling with value.  With self-worth.  God and I need to do some fix'in.

 

This revelation about my life hit so hard this morning, I could barely wait until B got out of the shower before I sat him down to just tell him, just make sure he knew, without a doubt, that my love did NOT depend at all on what he does.  On his grades in school.  On how well he plays sports or how many memory verses he learns, or his performance in choir.  Nope, not at all.  I told him that our little family would not be complete without him.  Just him.  How much I love his personality, his humor, his place in our home.  How, even if he got bad grades and hated sports, we would love him just the same.  Those things are good.  But they aren't necessary at all.  I told him that Jesus loves and pursues us and wants to know us.  He isn't impressed at all with what we do or how we perform.  He is interested in who we are.  Our hearts.  And that Daddy and I feel the same way about he and Ty. 

 

I just wanted to be a hundred percent certain he knew that.  Its so easy to get caught up in what we do instead of who we are.  I want B to know we love him for B.  And I want God to show me how to just BE and not to always have to DO.

 

Praising B for a good grade on a test is a good thing.  But I shouldn't be near as excited as when he tells me about Ty waking up in the middle of the night last week scared and having a bad dream.  And how B climbed down from the top bunk to see if he was ok.  And how B named all of Ty's stuffed animals and told him that each would protect him while he slept.  And how B kept talking about the stuffed animals, and lining them up around his Ninjago printed sheets until Ty fell back asleep.

 

Or how Ty prayed for his brother's ear infection to heal every single night until the antibiotics ran out and the ear was better.

 

Oh, how I need to be sure I'm praising my boys for the things that matter most!  And I need to watch what I'm finding my confidence in as well.  Its not that I shouldn't have goals.  But the lack of goals should not determine my value.  As Renee says in her book, to get out of the shadow of self-doubt, all we need to do is turn toward the light. 

 

Then you will know I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.  Isa. 49:23b

 

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  Heb. 10:35-36

 

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  Jer. 17:7

 

 

Alright Melissa, WAY out of my comfort zone, here!  Trusting!