Saturday started off tough. At 4:30am I was woken up by a little face at the side of my bed asking if he could go downstairs and watch TV. Um, no you may not. You may march yourself right back to your room and go back to sleep.
4:46am. The little face is back. How about now? The clock says "6" after all. No sir, the "6" has to be at the front, not the back end of that neon green number.
5am. All of the walking around upstairs has woken up the downstairs dog. Husband gets up and goes downstairs to let him out of his crate. He bolts upstairs and jumps on the bed with the grace of an elephant. This infuriates the old, deaf dog who then stirs and is out of the covers and hides under the bed angry. I make room for the downstairs dog in the bed.
5:15am. The other not-so-little face is at the side of the bed asking to go downstairs and watch TV. Seriously? I march him back to bed and inform both my non-sleeping children that they will stay in the bed, lie down and not move or make a noise until 7am. Lets just say I am not very pleasant when having to discipline at 5:15am. (shout out to my Mom here who always seemed to be sweet in the middle of the night when I woke her because I was scared of a storm. I never remember her telling me to suck it up and go back to bed. I definitely missed out on that gene!)
5:20am. I hear muffled talking, stuffed animals being thrown around and giggling. Not very cute and fun at 5:20am on a Saturday morning. Mama not happy. Elephant dog stirs, jumps off the bed and flaps his ears which sounds like the crack of a gun at that dark time in the morning. Husband rolls over. Knowing full well that if husband gets up this early, we will have a whole new level of grouchy on our hands, I give up, throw off the covers, go in the boys room and inform them that since everyone is so excited to be up at this hour, then we will go downstairs and clean the house. No TV this morning.
The three of us and two extremely noisy dogs flapping ears and snorting make the decent to the living room where I hand out wipes, dust clothes, vinegar spray and paper towels and we get to work. The house is clean by 7am but I still have a horrible attitude. The boys are nasty grumpy and I can't shake the feeling that the whole day is going to be a mess.
It went on from there. The kids were bratty and ungrateful, as was their Mama. I tried and tried to start the day over in my mind and salvage would I could of the beautiful 72 degree perfect sunny day, but with the lack of sleep, it just wasn't to be. We tried walking the dogs, and ended that when whiny 4 year old sat on the ground and refused to walk anymore. Oh I needed some GRACE! As did my kids. I needed it from God and the kids needed it from me!
Its so easy to look at days like this and put my magnifying glass over it and start to beat myself up about it. What am I doing wrong in my parenting that my kids behave this way? Am I saying yes too much? Am I not spending enough time with them? Am I spending TOO MUCH time with them? I get obsessed with this tough day and over analyze it to death.
When I get a few days from it, I can sit down with God and talk it out. I can see my "quality time" tank is empty. I haven't had a strictly fun day with the kids - away from laundry, housework and homework - in a while and I haven't had a fun day with my husband either. And I haven't just called a tough day what it is. Just One Tough Day. The big picture is that my kids are not bratty and ungrateful. They just were that day. And maybe they were feeding off me a little since I was feeling bratty and ungrateful that we couldn't do what I wanted to do that day.
So this morning I prayed for God's grace and he gave me this verse:
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8
These are not qualities I receive magically in a moment. These are qualities that build on each other. One decision at a time. One choice. One moment. I cannot control my kid's attitudes. But I sure can pray for a new one for myself. My kids personalities, likes and dislikes, even their decision to wake up at dark thirty, does not make me a bad mom. My choice is to show them faith, self-control, perseverance, godliness and love. That's the way I can be most effective and productive as a mom. Each time I choose to respond with grace, because I have asked for His grace, I am showing them Jesus.
They don't need to go to the beach, or apple picking or have a mama-planned-out-perfectly-fun day to be ok. They just need Jesus. Just like their Mama Especially on the tough days.
WOnderful and so well written. THanks Paige for keeping it real. :-)
ReplyDelete