Fear

  I have been very out of sorts lately and trying to figure out where exactly “my funk” is coming from.   God spoke to me this morning about fear.  How fear in things I can’t control is consuming me and my joy.  I have a lot of things going on at the moment that I am absolutely not in control of.   I’m stressing out about family issues, afterschool care for my boys, health problems that won’t go away and things I can’t fix in my own power.  I have allowed negative, irrational thoughts run through my mind like a bad movie reel.  

 

 God spoke to me this morning out of John 14 and Psalm 139 and how Jesus comforted his disciples at a time when things were about to turn for the worse.  Their new world was seemingly about to come crashing down.  Yeah, we rode into town on horseback, with singing and palm leaves.  But all of that glory is about to turn into pitch black darkness. 

 

But peace!  Right when we feel things are completely out of control, we must remember that not one thing is out of His control.  He’s got it.  I’m working this year on not living in fear.  But oh, how I want my kids in a bubble!  How I want them to stay under my roof and to always need Mom!  But this is such a selfish attitude!  And I’m teaching my kids not to trust God?   That's not what I want!

 

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

 

None of us will be here, not one day more, than what God has already planned.  So worrying about my kids obsessively, and keeping them from experiencing things in life will not add to their lives.  It will only teach them to fear life and not to trust God's got everything under control.  It could even cause them to not live the abundant life God wants for them.

 

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You believe in God; believe also in me.  

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:1-2, 27

 

Jesus told his disciples that things were going to get dicey down here.  The more out of control we feel, the more we need to press into Him.

 

I am really going to have to work on this.  I believe God is calling me to stretch in this area.  Oh, I do not want to, God!  But I do want to obey and trust you.  Lord, help me to pray for my family and then truly trust that you've got them.  That means not worrying about them constantly and helping them become more and more dependent so they can make good decisions while standing on Your truth.

 

I lose my breath just typing these words.  Anxiety overwhelms me.  I actually have to remind myself to take a breath.  I'm terrified as to what God may ask of me to gain victory in this.  I had no idea how deep rooted this fear has become.  It has truly stolen my joy.  But God can uproot and throw away this ugly fear in me.

 

When I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind You shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your Truth, and I'll fight with Your Strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me

Casting Crowns - In Me