So I was reading one of the blogs I follow this morning and the gal on there made a New Years Resolution to not buy any clothing, jewelry or accessories for herself for one whole year. She is a shopaholic, like myself, so crazy tough resolution. Her reasoning was that she got convicted while doing Angel Tree this year about how thankful these little kids will be for any clothing, toys or jewelry they will receive when she has a full closet of stuff she hardly wears. It was very thought provoking for me. Her theme verses are the following:
Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Luke 12:15
And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
I started feeling pretty pitiful that I have done so much shopping for myself lately when others have so little and we could be trying harder to pay off the house or start college funds, saving for the car we will eventually need etc. Or just be able to give more. I also started feeling awful because I don't believe I could even make it through my birthday.
But what if I could? I wonder what God could show me? I have felt so unappreciative lately and have felt stressed out about clothing and everything else. And Justin's comment about me falling into peer pressure at 33 years old hit home too. If I'm not confident in myself at 33, when, pray tell is it going to hit? I was reasoning myself into buying "stuff" because I wanted to make an effort to look cute and not fall into the sweatpants tennis shoes habit.
You know "60% of marriages end in sweatpants." And while I do want to look attractive and feel good about myself, I think I've proven to myself that buying more "stuff" is not the ticket, and finding God's will and working on that IS.
I'm almost afraid to say I will try this through my birthday because I fear failure right now most of all. I'm struggling so much with self worth at the moment that I almost don't want to set any long term goals (like more than just getting through today) because I fear stepping out of God's will and falling flat on my face (see exhibit A - all the church commitments I threw myself into to please others and am now having to untangle myself and deal with the guilt of disappointing or exhibit B - trying to keep up with a blog to make myself look like a fun mom -again pride and pleasing others-, and realizing I'm looking at everything we do as "will this make a good blogpost?" and now not being able to bring myself to even log in, or exhibit c - running a race that takes up too much family time, to prove some kind of competitive point and losing the joy of just running).
But I think I would like to see if I can do it through my birthday. The only caveat would be if my underclothing gets threadbare and I would need to replace it. Otherwise, I really have enough clothing to last the rest of this season. Anything else I buy would just be extra "stuff." I don't usually make resolutions, but I am working on simplifying life and this would help.
I'm just writing this to share. I don't want to make a huge deal of it, since I just don't think I can stand disappointing one more person at the moment and if I fail... But as Coach Taylor says, "character is in the trying."
Love,
Me
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