Tragedy of an unfamiliar shirt

I do not understand why wearing a shirt for the first time causes such tragic moments. Real tears, people. Boo hooing.  "I don't want any cee-wul!" (cereal) Morning meltdown. Couldn't get out of him why the shirt was so offensive. It looked ok. Long sleeves are not something new. It had a monster truck on it. The tag was already cut out. No clue what the issue was, but it was a loud, tearful issue nevertheless.

 

Very frustrated today with willful sin. I have some sin in my life that I cannot seem to shake. Satan has his hold and he is really twisting the knife. I'm trying to figure out what the heart issue is here. Why I can't seem to get self-control in this area. Its Biblical, self-control, so I know it is possible. I find myself wondering if God is as tired of hearing me repent for this same thing as I am of hearing myself repent. Every morning starts off well, and then sometime in the afternoon/evening, I lose it. So so frustrating.

 

I want a 5 step process. I want a beginning and end date. But that is not really how perseverance is won. I wish I could see the end and know I get to conquer this. That would give me more confidence to keep trying. More trust that God is not giving up on me.

 

But I do know that God is already standing at the end. He is proud of me, seeing how I grew through all of this. So I have to trust him. And I do have a manual. Its God's word. I have decided to start reading it with the mindset of what he has to say about this issue of mine. I'm praying for clear heart to hear what he has to tell me through his truth and to APPLY it.

 

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Swords, pizza and privacys

Most people have a morning routine. Some get up and get the coffee started. Others go straight to the shower, or to get dressed. Some even go exercise before starting their day. My Tyler? He goes into the playroom to find a sword. I turn around and see a little wake-up face, bedhead walking passed my door into the playroom. Then into our room he comes with Frog and a toy sword. My Ty.

 

My Ty also has taken to calling his little boy parts his "privacys." Oh my.

 

Braden has grown up so much in the last few months. You can see his maturity in his behavior chart at school. No yellows for a month! We celebrated by going to Ci Ci's pizza and playing some driving arcade games after pizza. Yum!

 

As I was walking through the house this morning, fixing lunches, hanging up towels and picking up Lego men from every flat place in my house, I was reminded how I almost didn't get to have this job. I almost didn't get to pick up yet another half damp towel, or find some Lego guy pieces under my pillow. I am so thankful this morning that I have little shoes to put away, swords to gently untangle from little sleepy grasps at night, piles of toy cars to move so I can get into my closet. So thankful God blessed me with these little ones. Overjoyed He trusted me with the job of kissing bruises from running into coffee tables, wetting down unmanageable hair, one-more hugs before bedtime. Unimaginable love for little napes of necks concentrating on building a Lego "set," little hands asking me to pull off or snap on too many Lego arms to count. Squirmy bodies jumping full force on me anytime I near the bed or floor.

 

Thank you Jesus for my little boys.

Pity to Purpose

I realized something this morning.  God has been whispering this into my heart.  He is really showing me some things through this current season of darkness.  My darkness does not come from a lost loved one, or a family tragedy.  My darkness comes from the unknown and an unsettled feeling.  And dealing with some sin in my life.  You see, I thought I had been doing pretty well.  I take my family to church.  I cook meals for others in need.  I encourage my ministry leaders.  I pray.  I'm a nice person.

When my boys are fussing and fighting, I often holler "be nice!"  But don't I mean more than that?  As followers of Jesus, aren't we called to be more than "nice?" 

Leviticus 20:26 says,

You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.

Really I should be calling out to my boys, "be holy!"  And I may just try that the next time and watch the confused looks come across their precious, sometimes food encrusted faces.

But we know what holy is.  Its not just about being nice.  Its an attitude of the heart.  Being nice, may include saying nice things, having nice actions, but all is for nothing without the heart having the right motivation. 

So God is using this dark season to show me just how unholy I am.  Its tough.  I feel like I am looking at the backside of a tapestry and all I see are the hundreds and thousands of threads jumbled up in a big ole mess.  And I can't seem to find the steps to walk around to the front to see the picture.  Maybe I'm not meant to see the picture just yet.

One thing God has shown me is that even though I may not know what his will is for my life at this time, I can still be in the center of his will right at this moment. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says,

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

We can be in his will right now by rejoicing, praying and thanking him in all things.  What a relief for me!  Especially while so many other things are unknown!

Another thing God whispered to me today is, without my current struggle, I would have never known just how biblically malnourished I really was.  I knew some verses.  I read the Bible.  But with need comes a hunger for his word, for hope, that I have not experienced since my miscarriages 4 years ago.  And I love having my smart phone where I can store these verses he shows me and get to them so quickly.  With each whispered truth, my faith builds and I can better trust him with confidence that he is bigger than my worry!

The third thing God showed me today is that our pity can have purpose.  In Luke 17:11-19, Jesus walks up on 10 lepers who cry out to him,

"Jesus!  Master!  Have pity on us!"

Jesus then told them to go see the priests and they were cleansed.  But one of the lepers, he came back to the colony shouting praises to Jesus.  He wanted everyone to know what Jesus had done for him.  And because of that Jesus said to him,

"Rise and go; your faith has made you well."

His faith.  Made him well. 

If he never suffered his disease, would he ever have known he was sick?  Not physically, but spiritually sick?  Would he have ever experienced the hand of God?  The growth of faith that made him, not just cleansed, but well?

Now, I do not know what my purpose it yet.  But I sure do have a lot of pity at the moment.  I am crying out to my Jesus, my Master, have pity on me!  And I am looking forward to my faith making me well.  He can use Satan's attacks for good.  He can show glory though trials.  That's why we can thank him in all circumstances.

I can't wait to see what he is going to do in my life this year.  He is already throwing light onto dark places in my heart, and swiffering away cobwebs I couldn't see before.  Isn't it funny how artificial light from lamps, don't always show the cobwebs in the corners near the ceiling?  That's why my house looks so much cleaner at night!  But in the morning, when the natural sunlight comes streaming into all 8 windows of my downstairs, I can see those cobwebs so clearly! (as well the the 3 year old juice stain in the carpet)  Only God can turn on the sun and truly show what needs cleaning out.

I want, so badly, to turn pity into purpose.  And then I will come running back, shouting out praises to him. 

But until then.  While I sit in the dark, waiting on him.  I will continue to hunger for the word.  For truth.  Realizing its the only truth there is.  And try real hard to rejoice, pray and be thankful in all circumstances so I can know I am in the center of his will.  Hoping for the day my pity turns into purpose for him.