The Tough Days

If its one thing I'm learning about being a mom is that the tough days do not define what kind of mom I am.  Boy, that is comforting!  Most of the time I choose to only document the good days on my blog.  The memories I want to keep and treasure up in my heart.  But there is something to say about the tough days.  Maybe they make the exceptional days even sweeter?  Or maybe there is just a lesson in there about us having a sin nature and needing grace.  Either way, the tough days are a reality.  And I'm all about being real.

Saturday started off tough.  At 4:30am I was woken up by a little face at the side of my bed asking if he could go downstairs and watch TV.  Um, no you may not.  You may march yourself right back to your room and go back to sleep.

4:46am.  The little face is back.  How about now?  The clock says "6" after all.  No sir, the "6" has to be at the front, not the back end of that neon green number.

5am.  All of the walking around upstairs has woken up the downstairs dog.  Husband gets up and goes downstairs to let him out of his crate.  He bolts upstairs and jumps on the bed with the grace of an elephant.  This infuriates the old, deaf dog who then stirs and is out of the covers and hides under the bed angry.  I make room for the downstairs dog in the bed.

5:15am.  The other not-so-little face is at the side of the bed asking to go downstairs and watch TV.  Seriously?  I march him back to bed and inform both my non-sleeping children that they will stay in the bed, lie down and not move or make a noise until 7am.  Lets just say I am not very pleasant when having to discipline at 5:15am.  (shout out to my Mom here who always seemed to be sweet in the middle of the night when I woke her because I was scared of a storm.  I never remember her telling me to suck it up and go back to bed.  I definitely missed out on that gene!)

5:20am.  I hear muffled talking, stuffed animals being thrown around and giggling.  Not very cute and fun at 5:20am on a Saturday morning.  Mama not happy.  Elephant dog stirs, jumps off the bed and flaps his ears which sounds like the crack of a gun at that dark time in the morning.  Husband rolls over.  Knowing full well that if husband gets up this early, we will have a whole new level of grouchy on our hands, I give up, throw off the covers, go in the boys room and inform them that since everyone is so excited to be up at this hour, then we will go downstairs and clean the house.  No TV this morning.

The three of us and two extremely noisy dogs flapping ears and snorting make the decent to the living room where I hand out wipes, dust clothes, vinegar spray and paper towels and we get to work.  The house is clean by 7am but I still have a horrible attitude.  The boys are nasty grumpy and I can't shake the feeling that the whole day is going to be a mess.

It went on from there.  The kids were bratty and ungrateful, as was their Mama.  I tried and tried to start the day over in my mind and salvage would I could of the beautiful 72 degree perfect sunny day, but with the lack of sleep, it just wasn't to be.  We tried walking the dogs, and ended that when whiny 4 year old sat on the ground and refused to walk anymore.  Oh I needed some GRACE!  As did my kids.  I needed it from God and the kids needed it from me!

Its so easy to look at days like this and put my magnifying glass over it and start to beat myself up about it.  What am I doing wrong in my parenting that my kids behave this way?  Am I saying yes too much?  Am I not spending enough time with them?  Am I spending TOO MUCH time with them?  I get obsessed with this tough day and over analyze it to death.

When I get a few days from it, I can sit down with God and talk it out.  I can see my "quality time" tank is empty.  I haven't had a strictly fun day with the kids - away from laundry, housework and homework - in a while and I haven't had a fun day with my husband either.  And I haven't just called a tough day what it is.  Just One Tough Day.  The big picture is that my kids are not bratty and ungrateful.  They just were that day.  And maybe they were feeding off me a little since I was feeling bratty and ungrateful that we couldn't do what I wanted to do that day. 

So this morning I prayed for God's grace and he gave me this verse:

 

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  2 Peter 1:5-8

 

These are not qualities I receive magically in a moment.  These are qualities that build on each other.  One decision at a time.  One choice.  One moment.  I cannot control my kid's attitudes.  But I sure can pray for a new one for myself.  My kids personalities, likes and dislikes, even their decision to wake up at dark thirty, does not make me a bad mom.  My choice is to show them faith, self-control, perseverance, godliness and love.  That's the way I can be most effective and productive as a mom.  Each time I choose to respond with grace, because I have asked for His grace, I am showing them Jesus.

 

They don't need to go to the beach, or apple picking or have a mama-planned-out-perfectly-fun day to be ok.  They just need Jesus.  Just like their Mama  Especially on the tough days.

Heart at Rest

I am not a person who is usually at rest.  If my mouth isn't jabbering, my body is moving.  If my body isn't moving, my mind is darting here and there.  I often lie awake at night with a hundred different things swirling around my head.  The good thing is I get a lot of ideas and thoughts.  The bad thing is, this requires an awful lot of discernment to figure out where all these ideas and thoughts are coming from.  My thought life is crazy busy.  The enemy also likes to attack me here. 

 

In my Bible Study this week I read about having a heart at rest.  This sounds so good and peaceful to me!

 

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.  Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.

1 John 3:18-22

 

So how can I get this heart at rest and keep it there?  To feel God's peace?  Only with truth and obedience.  I must identify truth in my thought life and then act in obedience. 

 

I have been through times in my life where God whispers to me often and I just act.  It may be as simple as writing a person a note of encouragement, or something as strange as turning the car around to sit in a parking lot and pray for someone.  The stories I could tell of how God has reached down and interacted with me would sound crazy to some.  But these times are so important to me and has built my faith.  These times get me through some dry spells where I don't hear from him much.  When I stop to figure out why I'm feeling silence, I start to sort through my hundreds of thoughts and pick out all the noise that is keeping me from hearing God.  The enemy throws so many arrows!

 

There was a time recently God asked me to walk the halls and classrooms of my church and pray with some church leaders to prepare for Vacation Bible School.  I certainly felt led to do this.  But when I got to church to set up my room, I allowed all the noise in my mind to get in the way and forgot all about his request.  I chose not to obey.  Now, God showed me a lesson here.  No, VBS did not fail because I didn't obey.  Quite the contrary, it was the best one I've been a part of yet!  He showed me that he does not NEED me to do his work.  He will work regardless of my obedience.  But what did I miss out on here?  What amazing blessings did I forfeit?  What encouragement did I not get to share?

 

I have moments where my heart is at rest.  When I say yes to his urging.  Where I don't start thinking about who will think this is weird, or will someone think I'm trying to step on toes, or glorify myself.  When I just say yes.  God sometimes urges me to go to the church after work and pray for a specific ministry.  So I send out my texts, emails and facebook status and just go.  And whether I have one person show up or ten, it doesn't matter.  I'm obeying and he blesses the mess out of that time, and uses it to encourage me and others!  I normally get a little confirmation from him afterwards that will blow me away showing me how real and alive my Jesus is. 

 

You see, God doesn't NEED me to do these things.  He WANTS me to do these things so he can show me life abundant.  So he can lavish me with blessings and his presence.  The more I practice saying yes to these little things, the more I experience his presence and the more I can share how real he is in my life.

 

Our hearts long for joy and happiness.  Sometimes I choose selfishness and get some kind of immediate satisfaction.  But releasing control and giving sacrificially is what truly leads to a more fulfilling and adventurous life than we could every dream of.

 

So when the enemy starts to interrupt my white space in my head, telling me I'm just trying to make others believe I'm so great, or a particular request couldn't possibly be coming from God, or I'm going to step on toes by answering an urging God has put in my heart, I have to recognize the source of these thoughts!  He wants to render me completely ineffective!

 

Thank you, Jesus that your power is made perfect in my weakness!  2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Thank you, Jesus that when I mess up, I can repent and you rush in to fill the gaps!  James 4:6-8,10

 

God does not expect perfection.  He only expects me to recognize my weakness, be humble enough to ask for his help and to be committed enough to move through and move on.

 

Lord, I desire to live in expectation and excitement to hear from you today!  I want to better understand your character.  Because of your presence, I feel accepted and significant and loved by you.  I don't want to choose the things of this world full of empty promises, things that wear out, break and don't last.  Lord, help me instead to invest my time with you.  No time with you is ever wasted!  I don't want to simply "survive" each day.  Every day is a gift from you and we should rejoice!  Psalm 118:24  Help me to listen and say yes to my daily adventures with you.  I'm so at peace that I don't have to worry about the outcome.  You are in control.  I only have to act on your urgings.  Help me not to overanalyze or worry what the world thinks.  Help me to just say YES!

First Week of School & A Friday Night Fort

We survived the first week of school!  The boys did amazing.  They seem to like their teachers and we didn't have any major meltdowns for homework or getting ready in the morning.

 

 

So excited it was trash day on the first day of school.  Delightful for pictures.

 

Later in the week.  Ty doesn't ride the bus with B, but he wanted to wait down there with him with their backpacks.

 

Ty would not smile for me so B thought he'd help.

 

Mommy got through the week too.

 

 

By Friday, I was ready for the weekend.  Even Ty had a little too much "new."  He told me in the car on the way to Grandmas after having a wonderful fun week at preschool,

 

"Mama, I don't want to go to preschool anymore.  I didn't know the teachers were going to be like THAT." 

 

I didn't think too much of it since he also refused to wear his new shoes that day or drink out of his new water bottle.  I think he had enough newness and just needed to take a step back for a moment.  I felt the same way.  So Friday morning I started to cook up a fun evening for us complete with backyard fire and marshmallows.  When I picked everyone up and got home, however, the moodiness was at an all time high, so I nixed the fire plans and decided to make a fort.

 

Have you ever spent 45 minutes making a fort out of every sheet you own and your bag of clothes pins, burning the chicken nuggets because of your devotion to the cause, only to find out no one wants to go in it but you?

 

 

This fort rocked.  It had Christmas lights, pillows, favorite stuffed animals... well, at least the puppies liked it.

 

 

Finally, after I found something else edible in the kitchen and restocked the fort with food and then put in a movie, the grumpy little men found their way back downstairs.  They ended up liking the fort enough to sleep in it.  I was not going to volunteer to squeeze in between them, so my brave hubby sacrificed his Friday night sleep.  The boys slept great.  So did I in my large queen bed with the two dogs.  I think J was the only one who may have gotten gypped.

 

 

Can't function without a picture of little feet.

 

It was a good weekend.  Felt like a holiday.  We saw a lot of friends, enjoyed biking with Grandma, and stayed up way too late.  I'm thinking we may pay for it this week, but we'll see.  B was wired all day today and I suspect he was battling fatigue.  Boys.  When we got home from dinner out, they were so wound up I finally forced them to run laps around the outside of the house and I timed them.  B's best time was 14.7 seconds.  Yep, its a small house.  Did the trick though.  B was able to come in and concentrate on getting homework done, pack his lunch and pick up toys. 

 

I'm trying to learn how these little boys work!  Sometimes it reminds me of that book,

Where The Wild Things Are.  Let the wild rumpus start!