Little guy mad & wake up time

My little guy is definitely going through some 3 year old adjustments.  Lately its really been a struggle of wills.  I tell my boys that I will always win since I'm the stubbornest person I know.  But struggle we do, nonetheless.  Did with B at 3 too.

My poor little Ty.  He was saying over and over that he wasn't tired and didn't want to nap when we got home from lunch at VeVe and Pop's house on Sunday.  He was saying this all the while rubbing those big beautiful eyes and yawning. 

He asked a hundred times why he had to take a nap.  He didn't want to take a nap.  He wasn't tired.

3 minutes after pulling out of the driveway...

Ty is beginning the phase where he gets out of bed himself after waking up.  Currently that has been pre-5:30am and we are not fans!  Especially since that eats into my early morning quiet time/run time.  The other morning J was sleeping downstairs since he has been sick and before 5:30am I wake up sensing someone was up (ONE of my super hero strengths).

I sit up on an elbow and wait.

Here comes my sweet little Ty, arms full of froggies (all 3 of them).  He creeps into my doorway, nighttime diaper making that slight crunching crinkle sound as he walks.  Rubbing his eyes, he looks up at me, seeing I'm already awake and whispers,

"Is it wake up time yet?"

The bleary eyed, not-yet-woken-up-all-the-way mom in me wanted to send him back to bed for another half hour.  But looking at the PJ clad, not-quite-boy, but older-than-a-baby sweetness that stood in my doorway, I thought about how few mornings I have left with this squishy armed, soft cheeked little one before he is all grown up and not wanting Mommy to cuddle with him. 

We do value a good cuddle in my bed around here.  And yes, I often find in the morning that I have slept on some Honey-Nut Cheerios.  All part of the job.

So I opened the covers and helped him pull up on the bed with me.  I got him tucked into our fluffy comforter and pillows and we laid there forehead to forehead in the quiet stillness while dawn broke over the backyard trees and started peeking through our plantation shutters. 

My youngest son looked up at me with his sweet little face and whispered,

"Mommy, I pee pee on myself."

Holy COW!

I sat straight up and threw the covers back as fast as I could and scooped him out of my bed trying not to die laughing while getting him changed and into some dry clothes. 

Back to reality and wake up time!

Great Expectations

Expectations:  the act of anticipating; an attitude of hope.

God has been doing some pruning lately and I'll be honest, it hurts.  I'm starting to understand that He is slowly snipping away at my control so that I will fully trust in Him and what He has for my life.  This causes a lot of frustration for this control freaky people pleaser.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  John 15:1-2

Habitually I plan events and try so hard to make them very cute and trendy and I get very caught up in the details of the event and forget all about the purpose of getting friends or family together, and then end up very disappointed in myself and overwhelmed at the amount of work I have created... for myself. 

I read these amazing blogs with some amazing women and think, I can do that.  Then real life happens and I really just can't.  And I have been fighting so hard against the "can't" that instead of recognizing limitations and embracing how God made me and my talents, I see just another failure.

I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

You see, I come from a family of beautiful women who entertain seemingly effortlessly.  Their houses are spotless, their food always tasty and creative, their gifts lie in being amazing hostesses and making their guests feel welcome.  They throw a great party.

Me, on the other hand, did not get this gift.  And because I want to pretend I have this gift (people pleaser) I struggle very hard to create this kind of party and end up overwhelmed and finding no joy in it.  You would think I would learn and quit doing this!  It feels like running into the same wall over and over and not stepping back to see I can just go around!

God gives all of us individual gifts.  Mine really is just not entertaining large groups.  That does not mean God doesn't want me to invite people into my home!  It just means he wants me to leave the cupcake toppers alone!  (Recent meltdown involved some very cute cupcake toppers that took over my life for a very short time and almost had me running to bed with a migraine)

My gifts lie elsewhere and I'm still working to figure out what they are.  What brings me joy and allows me to minister to people as God wants me to?

I love spending time with family and friends. 

I love putting up my pool in the summer and having watermelon at my picnic table.

I love writing my blog and recording things my kids say and do at this point in their precious lives.

I love doing meals for families in need or going through a rough time.

I love sending cards to people for encouragement.

I love finding and giving thoughtful and personal gifts.

I love spending time reading and exploring God's Word and what He has to say to me.

I love having downtime.

I love water fights with my kids in the yard.

I love playing hookie once in a while with the man I've been in love with for 15 years and do nothing but bum around and have some lunch.

Its not about letting go of high expectations for myself.  Its about putting the right expectations that God intended on myself.  He doesn't judge me on whether or not I have cute cupcake toppers, or a homemade birthday banner, or matching napkins and hand designed drink labels.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.  John 15:16

He just wants me to stop thinking about me and how I want everyone to think I have it all together and can do everything while working, taking care of my family and building a home.  He wants me to focus on loving others and trying to show them Jesus.

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love.  I told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this:  Love each other.  John 15:10-12

The thing is, if I stop and listen, He tells me when its getting to be too much.  I find joy in making my kid's birthday cakes each year.  It never gets overwhelming and I have so much fun doing it.  I also find a lot of joy creating invitations to the party.  Not overwhelming there either.  But when I start obsessing with every detail of the party... activities for the kids, print out labels for everything that matches the homemade shirt he will wear... I start getting overwhelmed and end up wanting to just get in the bed and close the door.

If anyone does not remain in me, she is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  John 15:6

God wants me to know my limits and He will tell me if I listen up!

I certainly have not mastered this yet.  But I feel that I need to really try and let go of most things I'm working so hard to accomplish with these get togethers and events.  If I don't, the joy will be sucked right out of it and I won't minister to anyone.  And I'll end up in the bed exhausted.

We just can't all have the same gifts.  And we can't hold ourselves to someone else's expectations.  Someone said that comparison is the killer of joy.  The only person we need to please is our Father in Heaven.  As long as we have done what He asks and wants for us, all we do will be a success!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.   John 15:7

Bibles & Batteries

I'm having a bit of a decorator meltdown at the moment.  Too much Design Star, too many Room Crasher reruns, too many awesome diy blogs!!!  They are killing my joy, people!

Then I find the book I desperately needed at the moment called, "We're Just Like You, Only Prettier" by Celia Rivenbark.  If you are craft-challenged, have ever felt guilty for not finishing a home project (like half of your backyard fence is stained, but the other not - for the last 2 years), or have ever fed your child a pack of Smarties for a snack in a pinch because its the only thing you could find in your purse, then go... no run and go get this book.

You will laugh your head off until you are crying and can't finish reading a sentence out loud to your husband.  I could have written this book, the stories are so right on.

But back to my little meltdown this weekend.  My attempts at making my home look anything like some of the blogs I read has been little more than hysterical.  And I don't mean in a funny way.  I am content to let stuff go and just have the house relatively clean, laundry mostly under control, and kids happy by spending time with them.  And then, out of no where, the little decorator monster comes creeping out. 

All of a sudden, the kitchen and dining room that I was just fine with, is now the enemy.  I must have a make-shift entryway BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS!  All of a sudden this self-imposed deadline is waking me up at night and I am rushing to my laptop to search on how to make an entryway out of a broken chair and a wire cart (the two items I have in excess at the moment).  It SHOULD be easy.  Any normal blogging mama can tackle this with some spray paint and bakers twine while a homemade pie cooks in the oven and the kids make sun catchers at the craft table and sing Jesus Loves Me in perfect harmony.

But not this blogging mama.  I resort to getting weepy on the phone with my poor husband who is currently fighting the economy and tonsillitis, but I want to know what his thoughts are on driving giant screws in to the wall for hooks to hang up book bags that won't be in existence for another month.  (Its a wonder he is still married to me, for Pete's sakes.  Good thing I'm cute in an unconventional way and am known to whip up some mashed potatoes once in a blue moon.  Ok, so they are Bob Evans from the fridge section, but still!)

I don't know what gets into me.  So I proceeded to make this huge list, at the suggestion of my baby sister, of all the projects I wanted to tackle in the house.  This list has potential to motivate me and as I start with the smallest thing and mark it off, I will feel accomplished and stress free.

Again, I'm positive this would work for a normal human being.  However, this list encouraged the monster to critically eye each area of scratched paint, each hole in the drywall I made during the last decorator meltdown when I redid the upstairs bath and didn't realize the 1986 builders of my humble abode cemented the mirror to the wall.  As I walked around with my list and noted each crack, each color faux pas, each mismatched piece of furniture, I fed the monster more and more.  Finally I collapse into a heap on the couch with a box of tissues, wondering what I am going to do if I can't find a letter "E" to bedazzle and put on the mantle.

In comes husband/rescuer/my rock/reality slap from my heavenly father, stage left.

My husband sacrifices an entire Saturday with me and the kids, including parent watching at the west end hair salon that is just for kids (although we have seen some parents hop up in the little mini chair to get a trim), and a birthday party at Chick Fil-A with some good friends and kids, to clean out the landscaping in both the front and backyard (on my list), vacuum, declutter, clean the toy table and help move around the kitchen to make a place for my decidedly necessary entryway.

All this, while his wife just checks off more complaints.  How awful is that???

I don't know why the ugly decorator monster visits from time to time.  I believe it has something to do with this sinful nature I still walk around with and constantly have to ask God to come in and sweep out with the dust pan.

But my hubby is just too sweet to me.  He will clean out the cabinet so I have room to put the bibles and batteries while at the same time telling me how silly I sound and helping me defeat the monster one more time.

Thank the Lord he brings me a partner in life to keep me on the path we want for our family.

And that path has nothing to do with spray paint and bakers twine and has a lot to do with tickle fights and swimming in our backyard pool.